Hey bro.
So I heard you’re going to go infield tonight. Get your PUA Game on, pick up some girls, practice your conversation skills…
You ARE going to go infield tonight… right?
Good! So glad to hear it. It thought you were just going to sit on your ass and read articles all day. You really had me worried there for a second.
Now, since you’re going out tonight, I think I’ll reward you with a very helpful (albeit slightly esoteric) article regarding energy exchange in interactions – super important when it comes to conversation skills.
You see, people think of conversation as two dimensional. Like a turn-based RPG.
Your turn, then my turn. Your turn, then my turn.
This is not the case.
Instead, human interaction and conversation skills is much richer and laced with far more subtleties.
It is much more fluid than one might think.
From vocal tonality, to body language, to facial expressions, and to the very words being said.
But today, we’re going to focus on the MOST SUBTLE aspect of all: The energy exchange. This is the ever-evasive dimension of social dynamics that eludes classification and quantification, but is impossible not to sense.
This is energy.
Hold Up, I’m Lost
Bear with me here. I don’t even fully understand this topic myself.
Well, I do, but it is near impossible to just explain it.
Don’t worry… I promise I’ll try my very best 😉
All human interaction is an exchange of energies. These different energies add up to what we call the Vibe.
Almost everyone can feel conversational vibes. For instance, think of a time when you were driving in a car with people and nobody was talking. Maybe you were driving through a beautiful canyon with Death Cab For Cutie playing in the background, and everybody was joined in a peaceful silent communion. Now, think of another time with the exact same conditions – driving with others, nobody talking – but the VIBE was tense. You felt tension in the air.
This is the human’s unique ability to pick up on VIBE.
However, since energies are what CONTRIBUE to the vibe, wouldn’t it be awesome if you could pick up on THOSE?
Your calibration would go through the roof.
Most people CANNOT do this, and this is one of the major aspects of game that separates a veteran from a master.
So, lets freakin’ learn how, eh?
Contributing Factors
While there are possibly infinite energy variables that may subtly shift the Vibe one way or another, lets focus, for the sake of simplicity, on the most relevant three.
It is not realistic to control everything you’re contributing to the interaction energy-wise all of the time. However, if you learn these three principals, you will be more than equipped to handle any social situation.
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Reaction/Investment– Let me start you off with a simple but game-changing fact: In any given human interaction, ONE person will ALWAYS be reacting MORE THAN THE OTHER.This is just how it works. Anything else is an impossibility.Do you know which person you want to be?That’s right; it is much better to be the person who is reacting LESS. This means that the OTHER person will be investing more into the interaction.People who react too much are easy to manipulate and take advantage of, and are seen as weak and pandering.However, when you are slow to react, you will find that others WORK HARDER for your approval and validation. Not only does this feel fucking good, but it is highly practical for building investment and compliance, and shifting the “conversational energy” in your favor.Basically, it’s less work for more results.- Value share vs. Value suck– Be the guy that is always GIVING value. If you don’t know what that means, think about it like this:Instead of having your own agenda, trying to attain a specific result, or SUCK VALUE like most average dudes do, ADD value to the conversation. You can add value through a variety of different means, such as jokes, storytelling, genuine compliments, breaking rapport, etc. Basically, pump buying temperature or comfort in any way, and you’re generally adding value.If you are the guy that ALWAYS GIVES VALUE, not only will people see you as different in a positive way, but you will also find that the very energy of your conversations changes.Master the art of giving value, and you will never be without something to say or do to help move the conversation forward. But get lazy and start sucking value, and your interactions will quickly fizzle. This is definitely one of the core components in managing the energy of the interaction.
- Emotional Intent– This is the way that you feel going into the interaction. Any thoughts or emotions that you are having WILL be reflected through your non-verbal communication. They will leak out, no matter how good you are at “faking” it. These non-verbals will STRONGLY influence the energy of the interaction.This is where congruence comes in. Nobody wants to talk to someone that is incongruent.The two step process is #1: Get a handle over your non-verbals so that you can contain any negative thoughts or feelings, just so you can start seeing a bit of results right away and #2 Work on eliminating self-doubt and negative emotions from your repertoire so that you have no NEED to fake it in the future.
While this are subtle energy variables to monitor, mastery over them will give you complete conversational control, and people will seriously marvel at how easy you are to be around.
You will become that guy that everyone wants to hang out with.
Feels good, don’t it?
Getting To Work
This knowledge is very powerful, but it is useless if you just sit on your ass.
Get out in the field TONIGHT and apply it.
Hell, you don’t even have to be at a bar, club, or even Day Game location to apply this…
Sprinkle it into each and every of your day-to-day interactions.
You will find that people react more strongly to you, give more openly to you, and have more positive vibes toward you in general.
It’s magical. Make this a reality for yourself.
And THEN you can thank me 🙂